smellybumlives4eva

Cross My Heart And Hope To Die

2009-08-30T20:20:02Z

This would have been posted on Saturday, if it weren't for crappy college computers that don't allow the use of lj and such.

Cross My Heart And Hope To Die.

I don’t want to do this for another year,
Still haven’t left,
But feel like I’ve lost something
That could be found again, maybe,
But things would have to change.

Something I don’t think you’re capable of.

You said you didn’t know how to stop this,
Making it sound like you tried so hard to save us
Don’t worry no-one’s listening,
(Argue all you want)
Nobody’s looking at you, except me.

You never upset yourself with us – but then again it’s a fool who cries over nothing.
Who could blame you?
Guess I could, but it just seems a little too easy at this stage –
Especially since I’m running out of reasons as to why we should fix this.

I’ve managed to isolate myself from everything in a single move,
Funny thing is, you started this but I had to finish it –
Guess that’s like old times though,
I’m the one feeling bad,
And your get-out-of-jail-free card just landed in your lap,
Along with the last word, and it cost you nothing for either.

Pretend that everything is fine,
I’m not one for keeping up appearances.
Better to let it be said straight up and swallowed,
I promise not to call you on it.

You still haven’t apologised for what you did –
And I’m starting to think you’ll never realise what it was –
Only because you’re so busy trying to hide behind numbers.
Just so you know it’s a phrase – not the reason.

I could have put up with numbers, but
Fuck it,
Why should I let you make me feel worthless?
If it was anything else it’d be easily fixed, forgiven and forgotten.
You just pushed me too hard.

Saying I love you might as well be nothing more than a greeting.

As far as I’m concerned,
Love is shown with little gestures,
Not paraded like a twisted ritual.
Or hidden from out of fear of rejection.
(Love is looking after someone who you may be angry with because you still worry about them, not taking things out on them when they’ve done nothing to deserve it).

You don’t even know how much of myself I gave away,
Just how much I exposed my feelings.
Either way, you don’t deserve to be told.
You should have known.
And I won’t make that mistake with you again.

Maybe you just didn’t care.
That’s certainly what it felt like a lot of the time.
You have to have known that I didn’t want to give us up,
And I didn’t give us up easily.

This could still be saved –
But
I can’t let you treat me like that again. And I won’t let you.
I’m not really willing to go get my heart broken again.
So maybe we’re better off this way?

You meant a lot to me.
But maybe you’ll mean less than nothing eventually and I won’t hurt over it...
It’s really up to you.

Comments on the writing are encouraged and appreciated.

Shooting Myself In The Head Could Only Make Me Smarter...

2009-07-30T18:02:45Z

Comments on the writing are always appreciated!

Shooting Myself In The Head Could Only Make Me Smarter.

It’s always the same when you’re here,
I can’t enjoy myself at all.
The onus is always on me to leave,
You never bat an eye.
It’s silly to even think you’d notice me...

I’m not sure I’d want you to, regardless of what difference it would make...

Meanwhile, on the other side,
You are asking if everything is alright –
Lucky I know how to silence you with just a look and a word,
Ironic that that word means as much as you to me right now,
Nothing.

Nothing is wrong,
Not now, not anymore -
I’ve found the pair for you,
Whom you can follow indefinitely, and who never questions your motives -
(Hidden behind that childish glance and stilted smile) –
You’re both more than perfect for each other.

Wish I could make more use of myself than
Wasting my time trying to meet your eyes,
But when have I ever learned before?

If I’m not careful, my twisted bitterness toward you could devour me,
But at this moment I wouldn’t say no to it...

Give me a mirror - I couldn’t look at myself.
Couldn’t look at you –
Even if you paid me,
I couldn’t see the better side of this situation.

Meeme stolen from Leneebear out of sheer boredom...

2009-06-05T15:38:58Z

A - Age: 18.
B - Bed size: Kingsize - best bed ever. I heart my cloudbed.
C - Chore you hate: Hoovering, I think, it's the thing I always leave until last no matter what, even though it's probably the easiest job.
D - Dog's name: Lucky (technically my sister's dog, who now lives with my Gran). Most spoilt dog in the world.
E - Essential start to your day: Diet Coke, and lots of it...
F - Favorite color: Blue.
G - Gold or Silver: Silver.
H - Height: Five five and a teensy bit.
I - Instruments you play: None. I have no musical talent in me whatsoever.
J - Job: None as yet, but I have many supposed jobs lined up.
K - Kid(s): I don't want any.
L - Living arrangements: Family for the summer, potentially alone for the next college year after that.
M - Mom's name: Anne.
N - Nickname: Kate, Tate, Dave (which always makes for interesting conversation), Starfish, Rukia, but usually just called by my actual name.
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Haven't had one.
P - Pet Peeves: People who apologise for the sake of apologising without trying to understand what they've done wrong. People who take other people for granted, or go out of their way to belittle people. Racist and sexist people and then those who are just plain lacking in civility.
Q - Quote from a movie: "Never trust a bunny" - Hoodwinked was awesome despite many people's protests.
R - Right or left handed: Lefty, South-Paw, Citóg.
S - Siblings: Two. One sister, one brother. Both awesome most of the time, both younger.
T - Time you wake up: Usually before 11 these days which I think is pretty ok.
U - Underwear: Can't live without it.
V - Vegetable you dislike: Brussels sprouts and tomatoes (I don't care if people say they're a fruit, I consider them a vegetable).
W - Ways you run late: Leaving everything to the last minute, whilst thinking I have all the time in the world.
X - X-rays you've had: Just one when I was at the dentist just to see if I needed train tracks.
Y - Yummy food you make: Spaghetti Bolognese, Beef Tikka Massala, toast, tuna sandwiches, most kinds of cakes and buns.
Z - Zoo favorite: Pandas and penguins, they're always awesome, oh and the turtles...

Take a number, figuring myself out...

2009-03-23T17:35:26Z

Fresh out of the oven in my head...

Any comments regarding the writing are appreciated.

Backglance Around Corners In My Mind.

Everything I used to like about myself seems to have vanished.

I’m like a snapshot that’s been bleached in the sun, washed out and faded.

I’m faced with this imposter, who’s engaged in a constant takeover bid

And my memory of how I used to be is swiftly fading.

Today’s been spent going from talent to talent,

With the finding I actually have none

Frustration gradually building as another chord fails to progress, phrase fails to come to mind

Every word is a fight,

And I’m over it, tired and unable to see the point.

This is the most honest thing I’ve written in months -

For once I’ll admit it is all about me

No, wait, strike that... it’s not of any great consequence.

“I don’t talk about myself because I don’t think there’s anything worth talking about”

Not my words, though I share the sentiment.

I’m just a number on the track, racing in a vicious circle.

I just don’t know what to do anymore, and I’m finished with trying to figure out how I should be

Swimming in this sea of help is quite like drowning

Even though I usually just watch from the sidelines

With an ache in my chest, fuzz blurring my thoughts

Trying as I might to wash the days off before I crawl into bed

Dreamless nights freeing me for a few hours

Only for the hopelessness to settle back on my shoulders with a vengeance

Heavy and insistent on my back, crushing.

Random post...

2009-02-28T00:35:00Z

Seven weeks is a long time not to post, I guess. But, this is just something that I wrote a little while ago and wanted to put out there. I don't even know what it means. Just a little spark of inspiration, with a minor amount of lamentation, (but hey, I'm Irish so I figure it's all much of a muchness).

It’s like these are the things everyone’s dreamed up, but you just got dragged into them, and now you can’t find a foothold. You’re searching for yourself in the crowd of opinions, but everything looks the same. Nothing is familiar, not like anything you’ve ever believed in. Someone has made this choice on your behalf, telling you that no one tells you what to do. The room you’re stuck in is sewn up with lies.

You feel your heart swell at the unfairness that is forced upon you, feel it shatter to the cold, hard ground. And the dreams that you’ve only begun to discover have been stolen away, only for you to discover that you are drowning in the monotony. It just seems as though it’s too late now for anything to be salvaged from this. You didn’t ask to be here, but you’d feel rude trying to leave, not being able to think of a good enough excuse.

The eyes that follow you, judge based on every possible move you could make and have made before this moment. Expectation is in plain sight. You’ve only just started to grow a garden of interests, but already the world has deducted time from you, and you’re falling behind on the beginnings.

What do you do now? Carry on in the same manner, doomed to the life of quiet desperation that awaits you? Leave defiantly, still unsure about where your passions lie? Speak out or give up, lie down or fight? There is no truly satisfying answer, only because there is no way of knowing which choice to make without regretting something.

Throwing caution to the wind seems like a reasonable action, were it not for the fact that doing this decides how you live for the rest of your life. Or, is that but the guise of the shrouded problem? It’s all cloak and mirrors, to put it mildly. Easy as it is to look out for the trees ahead, there usually lies one right before us that we may crash into just as easily.

I don’t want to make an enormous mistake. I don’t want to regret. Staying as I am now though, feels like some sort of lie that I’ve been fed, to mask the reality of my restlessness. Something has to change, even if it is only to pull a loose thread in the seam of lies. Anything is better than living a half-life.

So I don't really know... Enjoy I guess, hope it makes you think.

Mr. Boombastic...

2009-01-06T15:36:37Z

Here is a little ficlet-y thing that I wrote for my leneebear. Her prompt... She is awesome!

Title: Mr. Boombastic.
Authour: chickabud.
Pairing: Brendon/Spencer, Ryan/Jon.
Rating: PG.
Summary: Pleading, pouting and a kickass dance-off.

Title: Mr. Boombastic.
Authour: chickabud.
Pairing: Brendon/Spencer, Ryan/Jon.
Rating: PG.
Summary: Pleading, pouting and a kickass dance-off.

"Spencer", Brendon whines.

"Brendon?" Spencer replies without lifting his eyes from the laptop screen.

"S-p-e-n-c-e-r," ...

"What is it Brendon?"

"Spencer James Smith the Fifth!"

"The hell, Brendon?" Spencer whips his head around glaring mercilessly at anything and everything in his periphery. This includes a bass guitar, pile of cushions and one hyperactive ex-Mormon.

"I'm bored..."

"Then find some way to amuse yourself." Away from me, preferably he silently adds.

______________________________________

Silence.

It's quiet... A little too quiet...

"Spencer?" Brendon asks quietly, kneeling beside the arm of the chair, directly behind the laptop screen.

"Yeah?" he replies, pushing down the lid and nearly jumping a foot in the air when he's met by the world's most formidable pair of puppy-dog eyes.

"Come and dance with me... please?"

"What? No, Brendon. You've got to be kidding me. Seriously?"

Spencer's resolve is already weak with Brendon's ridiculously effective eye-pleading. All it takes is for Brendon to push out his lower lip, and repeat the "please, Spence".

Spenver is out of the chair in a heartbeat, picking Brendon up and looking menacingly into his eyes.

"I swear to God, if anyone sees us you are so, so dead."

Brendon does his little victory dance in reply.

"You're such a dork."

"I know. It's awesome."

Spencer plugs in Brendon's iPod into the speaker system, all the while mumbling angrily.

Brendon catches words like Ryan and Backstreet Boys, followed by a mix of profanities. He fights hard not to break down into a fit of giggles.

He fails, spectacularly once "Mr. Boombastic" starts up.

_____________________________________

Spencer chuckles to himself for a moment, cocking an eyebrow before doing a perfect body roll.

Brendon thinks, so that's how it's going to be huh? Oh, it's on.

"So that's how it's going to be, huh Smith?"

Spencer nods almost imperceptibly.

"Ok then, it's on."

No body beats Brendon Urie at dance-offs.
_____________________________________
Brendon's pulling out some of his best moves, Spencer finally starting to loosen up a bit.
Urie,
he thinks is one amazing dancer. Followed by, I wonder if I could do the splits like that...?
He doesn't even register that he's been staring at Brendon's ass waggling to the beat for the better part of the song.

Neither of them hears the lounge door click open, or notice Jon and Ryan come in.
_____________________________________
Spencer is mid-shimmy with Brendon before they hear the uncontrollable snorts emanating from behind the couch.
Horrified, he races to the sound system, rips out the iPod and charges around the couch to find Jon and Ryan clutching their stomachs comically. Their faces share equal parts in grimaces and frozen laughter.
Once they spot Spencer, they dissolve into a shaking lump of hysterics.
Determined to keep his pride, Spencer stalks out, off the bus, grabbing Zack and demanding to be taken shoe shopping.
_____________________________________
Brendon is still dancing around the lounge, oblivious to the fact there is no music.
_____________________________________
Next morning, Spencer's latte is labelled Mr. Boombastic, Jon and Ryan shimmy up to him every time they see him coming.
Fuckers,
_____________________________________
Brendon lives in hope of a rematch.
he thinks.He is the unbeaten master at them. Even Singer can admit it. Sure, he may not have the height that Spencer does, but he can take him.

Comments are &hearts;

Concentration... Are you ready?... If so... Let's Go!

2008-11-26T00:22:49Z

Okay, so I basically have no idea what this is meant to be. I was having one of those weird nights last night where you just can't sleep...

So I wrote... and then tried to sleep.... Then just before I fell asleep again I needed to write fic... And I know this happens to me like never... But it wasn't anything major, cause I really didn't have the energy to stay up and write for ages... But anyway.... I kinda ended up writing a kind of mini-fic... It's not really a drabble... Too many words...
I know, it's not beta'd or anything, and the plot sucks and stuff and junk... But it was a brain baby of the witching hour... And I kinda wanted to just post it anyway... Cause I've been neglectful with my posting... So whatever....

Comments are &hearts;

Title; Can you say "Frustration"?
Author; Me... chickabud
Pairing; Ryden.
Rating; PG-13
Summary; Brendon has an inferiority complex.
.

Brendon has something of an inferiority complex.

And, yeah, it’s not like that isn’t a commonly-known Urie fact. At least not as far as Ryan is concerned.

Ryan knows the difference between Brendon’s incredible need for attention and his underlying self-consciousness, subtle as it may be. Then again, Ryan’s always been about subtlety.

For seemingly endless weeks now, he’s been formulating various ideas about how to break Brendon’s unfathomable self-restraint. He’s been utterly sick to death of the dramatic touches, playful winks and suggestive gestures occurring repeatedly onstage.

Waddling to conceal a straining hard-on has never been on his list of things to do.

Now, he’s finally figured out how he can successfully put his theories into practice – a little bit of action reaction never hurt anyone right?

-----------------------------------------

They’re at a television interview of some type, announcing their fifty favourite music videos for MTV. God only knows what Spencer and Jon are getting up to on the bus. Ryan quickly stops this train of thought, as he values his sanity.

“Fuckers,” he mutters absent-mindedly, turning his thoughts back to the task at hand.

He glances over at Brendon, sitting neatly next to him. His mushroom cut is tousled, with a little morning stubble creeping up over his jaw.

Ryan notes the white button up shirt, top two undone, the bounty-hunter shades tucked in between the buttons lower down.

He’s wearing those black-rimmed television screens,( he calls an excuse for glasses) in an attempt to read the teleprompter accurately.

‘Much better than the freaky red pair he used to wear,’ Ryan thinks.

------------------------------------------

Something quite a few people don’t know about Brendon Urie is the fact that he utterly detests being stared at.

Of course, onstage that’s a completely different story. Wild monkeys throwing a shit fit couldn’t compete with Brendon for attention when he’s onstage.

But he hates, hates being stared at.

Ryan knows this better than anyone.

--------------------------------------------

He wastes no time whatsoever in focusing in on Brendon as soon as the cameras start rolling.

Each and every time Brendon’s gaze drifts to the hazel-eyed culprit he swiftly declines his head until the singer’s attention is once more caught up in announcing the next video.

Unsurprisingly this charade goes unnoticed for about fifteen point two milliseconds. At which point, Brendon begins to vibrate nervously in his seat, chattering over-animatedly and giggling hysterically at every available opportunity.

This does nothing more than provoke further staring from Ryan as he half-reads the song title from the teleprompter in his pseudo-monophonic lilt.

The interview proceeds in such a manner until the director finally calls it a day, allowing both band members to return to their hovel of a dressing room.

-------------------------------------------

Ryan makes for the dressing room like a penguin in search of a life preserver, languidly, with a slight strut in his step.

He’s so caught up in congratulating himself on a job well done, he fails to see Brendon rushing furiously in behind him.

His foot has barely crossed the threshold, when Brendon barrels by him, grabbing his inked wrists, slamming the door and forcing his back hard against the panelled wood in a matter of heartbeats.

Ryan quirks an eyebrow, silently reeling from the combination of Brendon’s death glare, (so rare and short-lived) and the force of his actions.

“What. The. Fuck. Ryan? What the fuck?” he snaps, voice harsh and low in his ear.

Ryan is transfixed by Brendon’s penetrating gaze, yet can’t help but find that the situation bleeds of irony – that’s his line. The sides of his mouth quirk up, betraying a hint of amusement at the question.

Brendon reacts immediately to the smirk, if one could even call it that, but then again, he’s had far too much practice dealing with Ryan’s unusual emotive expressions.

“Seriously Ross, how the fuck you can think shit like this is funny, I’ll never know. What is your problem? You know, you fucking know better than anyone how I feel about being stared at.”

Ryan falters slightly hearing the end of Brendon’s statement give out near the end, vulnerable and lacking the bite expressed so clearly moments ago.

“Brendon, what are you talking about? I wasn’t doing anything – “

“Don’t give me that Ryan. I know you can’t look me in the eye and tell me that you weren’t just staring the fuck out of me back there? You were fucking gawking man!”

“Look Brendon, are you feeling alright? Seriously, I wasn’t – “

“For serious? You’re trying to tell me you weren’t eye-fucking me every second chance you got during that fucking interview?”

Ryan’s pupils dilate noticeably and he clears his throat before retorting.

“Took the words right out of my mouth, Urie.”

--------------------------------------------

And that’s about the point when Ryan thinks Brendon snaps.

If he’s honest, he can replay the scene in his head, high-definition and surround sound, focusing on the exact moment the shit hits the fan.

-------------------------------------------

Brendon growls low in his throat and pins Ryan back against the door. He’d been gradually moving away, aiming to distract himself from the towering rage burning within him.

Now, however, he’s flush against Ryan from knee to chest – not even a hair’s breath between them.

Ryan notes with a muffled groan how Brendon’s growl affected him, and Brendon can hardly fail to notice the sizable bulge in Ryan’s skin-tight, striped, skinny girl’s cut jeans pressing into his upper thigh.

Realisation crashes over Brendon, cold and fast. His pupils alter from chocolate brown to ink black almost instantly.

He leans up toward Ryan, pressing his lips against his, a hard, dirty kiss.

Ryan’s lips part readily, welcoming the intrusion, tongues meeting, twisting together, fighting for dominance.

Ryan bites down on Brendon’s lower lip, eliciting a sharp gasp from the singer and smirks at the reaction.

“Geez Bren, for someone who doesn’t like being stared at, you’re something of an exhibitionist...” he deadpans, no hint of inflection to help distinguish the sarcasm, all the while assaulting Brendon’s neck with open-mouthed kisses.

“Fuck you Ross, fucking sadistic bastard.” Brendon mutters, stroking Ryan through the fabric of his jeans.

“Careful what you wish for Bren, you might just get it.”

In our dreams we can be complete again...

2008-11-22T15:00:18Z

Stolen from leneebear
- Go to Google Images.
- Type your answer to the following questions in the search box.
- Use ONLY the first page of answers.
- Post your favourite picture as your answer.

1. What is your first name?

2. Where were you born?

3. What's your sign?
(Cancer...)

4. Where do you live?

5. Where do you work?

6. Who/What do you love right now?

7. Who is your biggest crush?

I need a Patrick... he could mend my broken heart!

8. What is your favourite song at the moment?

9.What are you reading right now?

10. Where do you wish you were?

11. What do you want to be?

C'est tout pour ce moment!

It's Almost Hallowe'en!

2008-10-30T11:51:14Z

Don't you just love when you find out you have no lectures for Hallowe'en????

I do.....
This means I can actually, hopefully spend a day with my Mam before she goes away again.... Otherwise I won't see her until Christmas....

Went to a writing group last night... Five people (including me) out of twelve showed for it. Everyone was really nice about the whole thing.... It was great because all you could do was just write.... About anything,.... It didn't matter, and there was no distraction....
Kinda weird that so many people were there with you... But still interesting to see the different ways in which the people in the group wrote....

I'm gonna put up one of the excercises we were given... Just to see what you think.... Every excercise is about 10 to 15 minutes long....

After, I kinda felt energised,.... It's been way too long since I wrote last.... Plus it was nice at the start to just ramble for a few minutes about the different things that built up during the day....

Anywho.... Sorry.... Posting the thing now...

I have lived in many rooms,
Each different from the next –
They have not all meant something.

I have moved,
Again,
Into the humblest of abodes –
The sturdy dark wood of bedposts
Raised two storeys high
Greet me ‘gainst walls
Snowy, but patched with wear
And dirt, contrasting with the floor.

Hard panels meet me in the morning –
Twin of the past three years -
Within a house I couldn’t call my own,
My things, like me, unfitting there.

Moved,
Instead, I picture now, my room –
That sheltered me in childhood from the world -
When I saw fit.
Baby pink walls, white furniture,
Covered with mountains of trinkets,
Teddies and toys.
Sanctuary, shared with a sister,
This room meant most.

Ugh.... lecture in an hour.... and then labs after that..... Thursdays officially suck....
But then freedom... and a three-day weekend.... Hmm.... Gotta weigh it all up.....

I &hearts; HALLOWEEN!!!!

I'd prefer you just read this rather than give me your opinion on whatever this has turned out to be

2008-10-21T16:48:33Z

This is what is is, nothing more, nothing less.

Comments on the work are appreciated, queries about myself are not welcome.

I've never found it so hard to concentrate-
Studying now seems beyond me,
I feel like a newborn baby-
Surrounded by family, and with that, expectation.
But, it's the latter that frightens me;
Unlike a child, a baby, I'm used to it.
It has never left me as I have grown.
But it has changed, and only increases in its potency,
Whilst I feel more lost, now than ever.
I'm looking over my shoulder, at the pride for what I am
Now aiming to become-
But, I feel as though it's happening to someone else,
Or, if not, then me, but I am powerless to stop it.
All I am capable of is watching it occur-
And this is the erosion within myself.
I'm drifting from what I recognised
Myself as - and the uncertainty within my heart chills to the core.
No longer do I ache to read,
Instead I listen to the musical genius of others-
Those who have dealt with much,
Gotten through it,
And lived their dream-
Doing something meaningful for both themselves and others.
The wonder of this is brief, I cannot compare.
I'm alone, but am no longer comfortable with it-
I have come to resent the quizzical looks,
There is no one to talk to-
And so much I wish to accomplish,
But times will soon be rougher,
And I must brave face,
Bid farewell to a recognisable reflection
And become what was chosen for me.

SATURDAY FTW!!!!!!!

2008-10-15T10:21:03Z

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMFG OMG OMG!!!!!

I HAVE
NO LECTURES ON FRIDAY

SERIOUSLY.... NO LECTURES! FTW!!!!!

This is beyond awesome! *dies*

FOB = &hearts;

Just remember to smile, smile, smile.... And turn the world around!

2008-10-13T10:31:31Z

Greetings from the planet Zog....

Jesus... It's like 11.07 and I'm frigging hyperish already... Which is extremely odd since I spent most of the weekend drinking energy drinks and staying up late and I had to get up early for college and it was ewww..... And Ugh.... Another lecture in like 42 mins.... How shall I survive....? *dramatic pose*

Anywho.... I had a really nice, if really odd and unexpected Sunday.... It was brilliant... Even though I had to go to Mass at like half ten... And I'd stayed up until like two the night before..... Which was basically leneebear 's fault.... I mean, she's on the other side of the country and still manages to keep me up.... hehe! (I love you muchly)

Yeah, so I went to Mass... Voluntarily.... *wide-eyes*.... Nah, I'm kidding... Just I haven't been in like three weeks, cause technically I don't have to go anymore.... But it was Haze's dad's anniversary mass and I was not going to miss that for the world!
After, went back to her house for tea.... and had some very nice ham sandwiches... Met all her little crazy, loud cousins... They are so cute! Specially Sonachi.... But she's only like three and a half maybe.... Oh... forgot to ask...
In the afternoon I listened to FOB's albums... Chronologically backwards.... and I finished the Holly Golightly Club! Which was a totally awesome fic....
Then, Annette came down and we hung out for a while..... Seriously.... Non-alcoholic Kopparberg tastes like the little jellies that you used to get in the Lucky Bags....But it keeps you going for like ages.... Which is brilliant!
Yeah, and then it was like nearly half six and we had to get the bus into town to pick up Ash.... And they were all like "Let's go to the cinema..."
So... We went to see Igor.... which is such a brilliant film.... Well.... it's awesome anyway, but infinitely so when you slash it....
(Annette kinda figured out why I was enjoying it halfway through....)

And then she came back to mine and we hung out for a while and then didn't get to sleep until like half twelve.... Which was very silly.....
I came in for my first lecture this morning... And there is nothing like exhaustion.... Hangovers are exaggerated... The exhaustion is the worst part.....

But.... now I'm AWAKE!!!! And I don't know what to do with my new energy.... And it's now like 11.17..... And I have a lecture in like 33 mins..... Wow.... But then, after that I get to go HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does little victory dance*
(Ugh... I really wish I didn't have hockey today.... Then I could stay home ALL day after I got back.... Hmm.... maybe I won't go???.... Nah... I really should go....)

I need fic.... And to learn the lyrics of FOB songs... I'm going to be so useless at the concert... And I hate going not knowing at least one album.... Cause that way there's a pretty good chance that I'll be able to sing along.... Like you can't stand in the front row and just be like la la la.... Or... Maybe you can... But I don't know if people who know the words like that....
I hope it's not as pushy as Lincoln... That was not the greatest "first english gig" experience....

Oh... I hope BB is allowed to come down on the Friday evening.... Even if it's a later bus, it's way easier than coming down on the Saturday, cause there will be queues... And I don't really want to have to go into town to come out to go back in again to get to the concert....

I don't know.... Ohh.... 11.24.... I wanna eat my tuc.... So I guess I better skiddadle....

I don't care what you think.... As long as it's about me...

2008-10-11T15:26:08Z

Hello to everyone on this lovely Saturday afternoon!
I am writing this from the apartment that I currently reside in. It's a beautiful day outside, and where am I? Why, inside of course!

Anyway, I know that I've been absent for like ages, and that's basically because I have NO DAMNED INTERNET ACCESS HERE! (But I'm not annoyed about that or anything!)
I'm actually kind of stealing off this unsecured network, and I really hope that it'll hold up until I finish this post.

Went shopping today with Hazel, even though I've kinda been shopping all week.... Well, since Wednesday at least.
Seriously, HMV are just trying to make me poor! And they're succeeding too!

I gots lots of new stuff that I love to bits.... Namely all the FOB albums there are to date, all the MCR too... But I didn't manage to get Life on the Muder Scene... Well, it was there, but I am developing a slight OCD problem with cds and dvds now that I used to only have with books.... I think it's cause my sister Mar ain't here to stop me being so pernickity....

I even got some books, like Demon Apocalypse.... But I haven't gotten Wolf Island yet.... leneebear already has that cause she violated the sacred tradition of my buying it for her!
I got some really really really cool dvds too! Like National Treasure 2.... (Oh... memories with BB), Sweeney Todd... (Which I've wanted to see for like ages but didn't get a chance to... *shakes fist at Leaving Cert*), Memoires of a Geisha.... I really hope that it's good cause I seriously have a big obsession with Asian culture....

I gotted the Busted Live dvd... And The Chorus... Which is such an amazing film... And the Breakfast Club.... And the TAI album....
And then, cause my BB got her ticket to FOB by herself I had like 90 euro to spend on thingys online .... And I gotted two My Chem tees and a hoody/zippy and posters for me and leneebear ....
They are so AWESOME!!!!!!! I gotted the "Mikey Fuckin Way" tee and the one with like vampire teeth with My Chem written in the middle of it... And the temptation hoody... Which is basically a black hoody with a bitten apple and a snake up the sleeve!

Saw the McFly Official Calendar for 2009 in HMV. Have to say that I was a little disappointed in the pics.... Two of Tom, Harry and Danny but only one of Dougs... And One of each of Tom's and Danny's aren't great..... Plus there's like no performance shots, like in the '08 one... Which kinda sucks in my opinion.....
Then I spotted something that made it all better... What is like the coolest thing ever clotheswise????

Yes, that's right..... A Ghostbusters hoody.... It's black, with the white ghostbusters-mobile on the left-hand side on the front,.... PLUS the big Ghostbusters sign on the back.... One of the most awesome things ever!

Yep.... I seriously have to stop spending money on unnecessary awesome things....

Finally got around to watching season three of The L Word.... Man it was totally amazing.... I'm kinda not really liking Max all that much, He's getting on my nerves.... Oh... Poor Shane and Carmen... I love them so much... Aw, and Dana.... She made me cry for like a whole episode.....

College is very scary..... (for those of you who don't already know that) - Just a little piece of advice..... Never, and I mean NEVER undertake a Pharmacy course unless you really love organic chemistry and biology to death.... And of course if you're a "how" person!
I suck at the whole social aspect of things... Even though I went to hockey on Monday night.... (which was kind of a nightmare since I had to rush out on a bus at 4 to get back in for 6 for the training), I really haven't done anything else... I really should go out and stuff, but everyone's just interested in the whole alcohol aspect of things, and I couldn't be bothered... I'm dead to the world by 10 anyway!

Oh, and I saw a dude the other day.... He was dressed like Danny..... Oh... he was so pretty in his clothes.... He was wearing a kind of checked shirt.... Grey, white, red and black and then a khaki hat.... I was like DANNY.... DANNY OVER HERE.....
Which probably seemed a little weird, since I was on my own and on the phone..... And because I mimed the whole cap thing right across from him whilst describing it on the phone..... Hmm... I'm not scarily obsessed at all.... *shakes head*....

To all the people on my f-list that I've been "ignoring" I apologise... This is like the first time in weeks that I've properly been able to get online to even post anything. Both my gspoetry account and deviantart are suffering... But, be assured I do read all the posts you put up, even if I can't reply!

Wow.... that's a lot of rambling..... Sorry.... Hope people are all well!

Oh and on a side note - I AM GOING TO SEE FALL OUT BOY IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT........(Even though I really don't know all the words.... *headdesk*.....)

Stolen Meemage!

2008-09-10T23:03:07Z

Stolen from the awesome leneebear !

1. There are 30 questions.
2. Answer each question with one name.
3. Next to each number, write only the name of the person who fits.
4. Don't tell the questions to anyone who isn't doing the meme
Comment or PM your email to get the questions, but then you have to do it. :) Nobody be paranoid; these are good things! Or at the very least, meant fondly.

1. leneebear , leneebear , rubberduckygirl .
3. I don't really know...
4. star55
5. leneebear
6. leneebear
7. rubberduckygirl
8. star55
9. leneebear
10. leneebear
11. rubberduckygirl leneebear (Although I know that you do Cel, and it's with uber-awesome people, but for Jus it's more like the Jonas Brothers and Renji!)
12. leneebear , rubberduckygirl , Annette, Sharon, Emmz, Hazel
13. star55
14. leneebear (haha, you're so so so super manly!)
15. rubberduckygirl
16. rubberduckygirl
17.leneebear
18. Eh.... don't really know....
19. Of what?
20. leneebear , Emmz, Hazel... lotsa peoples....
21. Eh....
22..... Um.....
23. Yet again.... eh?
24. rubberduckygirl , or leneebear ....
25. Louise... (albeit utter weirdos)
26. leneebear .... (Nah, I'm totally kidding)
27. Eh, leneebear , rubberduckygirl (I hopes)
28. I don't understand the question....
29. Ellen Page....
30. Thank you for reading this.... and sorry for the crappiness of the answers.... I loves yous muchly! &hearts;
</div>

chickabud @ 2008-09-02T22:31:00

2008-09-02T21:37:51Z

The daily post! This poem is more personal. A dedication to an awesome friend, practically my little sister!

Comments are love, as always!

Hazel.

Long luscious locks of light brown hair,
Caressing your shoulders.
A dress cut to the knee,
Clinging to your curves.
But, it is your smile
Which truly captures my attention
Extending right up to your eyes
Conveying one thousand emotions genuine and sincere.

Forever honest you are, wise beyond your years.
Always eager to help me, stem my tears
With your hazel eyes; the centres of my world
We shared till two years ago.
Still forever together after separation,
Joined by past, home and heart.

chickabud @ 2008-09-01T16:59:00

2008-09-01T16:08:03Z

So, just continuing on with the works. This time it's a poem.
Most of my stuff will end up being poetry of some sort.

As always any comments are welcome!

Broken.

She stares into the darkness,
Watches her heart bleed
Recollections of the past – over.

Silently she shakes her head,
Lies her body down
Opening once dazzling eyes,
Mirrored truths to the lies.

Staring at the ceiling,
Like it was ok,
True thoughts distanced
Night after night.

Asking “Why?”
“Why did I deserve this?”
She sits crossed legged,
Eyes shut once more.

Dragging the blade,
‘Down the road, not across the street’
As the rhyme goes.
Slitting her right wrist.

You win.
Blood.
Cold.
Nothing.

I've got a theory!

2008-08-31T19:24:57Z

Ok, I'm well aware of my posting problem - basically that I can never seem to find the time to do it. Granted, this is somewhat due to laziness, the other reasons being that I don't feel that I have all that much to say.

However, I've decided to make use of my lj a bit more effectively. And how shall I do this? Well simply by posting some of my work from my deviantart account.
Now, for those of you who already have read some of my stuff, you are not obligied to check it out again, unless you should so wish, but for everyone who hasn't, well you can have a look if you'd like, and tell me what you think. I'm trying to get as many opinions as I possibly can.

Thats's basically the main reason for this post, but I hope that you'll enjoy looking at my work. I'm going to put up a link to my gallery on deviantart, but I'm alsogoing to post a piece each day in my journal.

Please bear in mind that these are older pieces, no new ones will be added as yet.
Any new pieces will be highlighted when posted!

So as for my deviantart account; here's the link to my gallery

http://smellybumlives4eva.deviantart.com/gallery/

And as for the rest, well here is the first of a few.... I'll put them under a cut so I don't take up too much space!

Thanks in advance for reading this!

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Eh this is just a short-story I wrote recently. I have no idea whatsoever why I decided to write about this it just came out of me. This story is COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!!!!!!!

WARNING: Also, this story deals with serious topics such as rape and suicide. If you are easily upset PLEASE DO NOT READ IT!

Well, that's about it so I hope you enjoy it. I would appreciate any comments, suggestions or critiscisms that you may have.

Thanks.

Broken Soul - Morning After.

She sat staring into a large shard of mirror, whose remnants lay scattered around her body, glistening like diamonds in the fire’s light. Beside her an almost empty glass bottle of Jack Daniel’s stood alongside an empty white container. She had lost count of the painkillers she had swallowed, but she knew only a handful remained. She smiled momentarily at the numbness beginning to creep through her neurons as the drugs started to take effect. She was amazed at the amount of abuse her body had endured up until this point, but she was at a loss for strength now.

She had always been bright and bubbly in life. One night had changed that. The betrayal she suffered robbed her of everything she had once been. All because of one night; last night. She had gone with a group of friends to the local nightclub. As usual the girls had gone all out; high heels, short skirts, straight hair and a ton of make-up. She had spent the greater part of the evening tottering over and back to the bar, trying desperately not to fall over. After a drink, this no longer seemed to be a problem. As the night wore on she began to loosen up and get in the mood. Six-inch heels were no longer a hindrance as she swayed with the music. “Getting’ Low”, a favourite of hers was just finishing when she spotted another favourite of hers, but of the male kind. Spurred on by the alcohol coursing through her veins she began chatting eagerly with him.

He was smart, funny and good-looking. Everything a girl could ever want. Tall, but not overly thin, he exuded a certain charm, which brought him all the girls he could wish for. But he only ever had one girl on his mind, the one approaching him under the ultra-violet hues of the nightclub lights. Her. She had always avoided him, until now that was. She had an elegant air, sweet smile and sincerity, which intrigued him. She was intelligent, a far cry from many others and could tell him where to go, if the mood took her. Which it had on a few rare occasions. Then again, it had been a result of his provocation. She had always feigned an indifference toward him, but he knew she felt strongly about him. He liked playing her little game, but tonight he had decided to show her he, was the one in control. And so, when she sidled up to him in a short red dress, hair tumbling over her shoulders and framing her face, he smiled a small smile. Inwardly, he was relishing the moment when he would have her for his own.

She had laughed, joked, responded and flirted at all the right moments, but she couldn’t deter the nagging voice in her mind arguing determinedly with the alcohol;
‘This is a BAD idea,’ the voice chided.
‘NO it isn’t!’ the alcohol countered strongly.
They left together, walking slowly until the reached his house. He invited her inside, and after a moment’s hesitancy she acquiesced to his request. She was in no way prepared for what came next.

No sooner were they in the door, when he forced his frame upon her, backing her into the wall. Her dulled senses prevented her from retaliating. He ground into her repeatedly, making his true design clear. In that moment all of the alcohol drained from her system. She pushed with all her might but his deceptively strong body stopped her. She groaned and whined until he glared at her. Silence. His clean-cut hair, polo shirt, musky scent and all other appealing features became irrelevant. All she focused on was the menacing glint in a pair of cold, hard eyes. He took up where he had left off, now kissing her neck slowly and deliberately. She trembled beneath him, frozen, unable to think. He closed any remaining space between them, running his hands viciously up and down the length of her body. He started to unbutton her dress and slapped her harshly across the face when she made to stop him. A short crack, followed by a crash that resonated through the empty house echoed her fall to the ground, a muffled scream as she landed painfully on her side. She lay there, not daring to move, watching him lock the door. In that moment she knew she could not escape. He grabbed her forcefully, dragging her into the study where a fire was crackling in the grate. It was a good-sized room, well furnished but it seemed eerie in the fire’s glow.

He threw her onto a large wool rug in the centre of the room making a show of locking the door before undressing himself. Splayed on the rug, she watched fearfully as he climbed onto her. She knew what was going to happen next. Gasping under his weight she wished she could be anywhere else. He tugged her dress over her head, exposing her. She saw the scarlet material fall to the floor before his face obscured her vision. The light from the fire gave his pallid skin a porcelain quality, which horrified her. He amused himself for a time by touching her, watching for reactions when he discovered particularly sensitive areas. Then, with unusual ease, he parted her legs and violated her. She had admitted defeat. She was broken. He ground into her ruthlessly, moaning with pleasure as he satisfied himself. Her face contorted in agony with each thrust, but she would not give him the satisfaction of hearing her scream. He teased and taunted her further, whispering suggestively into her ear between thrusts, bloodying her lips with rough kisses, bruising her collar bone with his bites, winding his hands into her hair. She found this unbearable, the only thing worse was his triumphant façade and maniacal grin distorting his once handsome face. Her hear was broken.

Hours later she sat crying silently in he bathroom adjoining the study. She was utterly incensed at her stupidity. He had meant so much to her but he had destroyed her that night. She shattered the mirror of the medicine cabinet with a single blow. Splinters of glass stuck out of her knuckles where tiny scarlet streams flowed. Looking into the cabinet she found her answer. A tiny white container. Painkillers. She snuck back to the study where he lat asleep, stretched languidly on the rug. A large bottle of Jack Daniel’s stood on a small table nearby. She grabbed it and sat gingerly in front of the fire, a pool of glass around her. One by one she began ingesting the pills.

After a number of hours she began to grow tired. She wished it could just be over. The painkillers were not acting quickly enough. She did not want him to wake before they worked; she could not endure such pain again. Changing her mind, she crept into the bathroom once more, emerging with a larger shard of the mirror. She studied herself at the fire in the shard. Gone was what she knew. A different girl looked at her from the mirror. She had lost sight of who she was. She could no longer face the world. The numbness inside her was complete. She had decided. She raised the makeshift blade in her left hand and slowly dragged it across her right wrist. It was over.

chickabud @ 2008-08-10T00:33:00

2008-08-10T00:17:25Z

Stolen from star cause I have nothing to do....

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicise those you intend to read
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read six and force books upon them.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter Series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion- Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor

Stolen from star 55

What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?
3 Years

Were you popular in high school?
Nope

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
Can't say that I have

What song do you want played at your funeral?
Fix You - Coldplay.

Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
Yes, but I wouldn't expect a good response.

What would your last meal be before getting executed?
McDonalds with Captain America's amazing ice cream to finish. Good way to die!

If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who?
Me, cause I couldn't be responsible for someone else dying, no matter how much I loathed them.

Beer, wine or hard liquor?
None

Do you have any phobias?
Yes

What are your plans for the future?
Have as many adventures as possible, never grow up, and find out who I am.

If you were an animal what would you be?
A raven.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Deaf, because even then I wouldn't always be in the dark as to what's going on.

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
Go into my room usually.

Do you like horror or comedy?
Comedy. There's really no such thing as horror.

Are you missing anyone?
Yes

If you weren’t straight, who of the same sex would you date?
Is this a person you know? Uh, famously Ellen Paige - love her. Normally, probably Annette... she'd be the only one who'd get me.

Where do you want to live when you are old?
In the house I grew up in.

If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Jane Austen

What did you dream last night?
I very rarely dream

What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Nothing

Non alcoholic drink?
Diet coke,or water

Have you ever been in love?
I thought I had...

Have you ever been arrested?
Nope!

What is your middle name?
Anne

What was the last book you read or are reading?
Cry of the Icemark - Stuart Hill.

How long is your hair?
Shoulder length

What time will it be in 7 hours?
Eight in the morning.

What was the last thing you bought?
Credit.

Who is your phone provider?
Vodafone.

How old will you be in 5 years?
23.

How about in 17 years?
35 (Weird)

What is your highest degree of education?
Eh, at this moment my Junior Cert.

If you had been born the opposite sex, what was your name going to be?
Eh, I think George or Paul... I really must ask Ma again.

Who were the last two non-relatives you hung out with?
Nicole and Katelin

Who were your last 3 missed calls from?
Oonagh and a guy I babysat for.

If someone gave you 100 dollars to eat a live spider, would you do it?
Never.

Where was the last place out of state/country you visited?
Eh, America, just got back.

Have you ever shot a gun?
Nope

If you only had 10 days to live, would you want to know?
No.

The last time you got gas, how much was it?
Don't buy it.

Do you have a birthmark?
No.

Have you ever dyed your hair?
Nope, don't intend to either.

If you could meet anyone who lived before your time, who would it be?
Ummmm no idea

If you started a band named after your favourite colour & a pet, it would be?
Blue Panda

What makes you laugh?
Lots of things. Lots of people - mainly Celine.

Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
Celine

How many pairs of shoes do you own?
2 - I only wear runners.

Who do you blame for your mood today?
My family, and Celine. It was a good day.

Have you ever seen a dead body?
Of animals - yes. Humans - no.

What is something scientists need to invent?
Perpetual motion.

Have you ever broken a bone?
Nope =)

Do you watch local news? Why?
Nope. I never really bother watching the news. Better things to be doing.

What happens after you die?
I'll let you know.

How big is your bed? Big enough?
Too big, I only ever use a quarter of it.

How long do you think you will live?
A good while - hopefully long enough to see the turn of the century.

1. What does your Livejournal quote mean?
I can't remember if I have one or not.

2. Elaborate on your icon:
Just a picture of me I think is relatively decent.

3. Who introduced Livejournal to you?
Celine.

4. How many entries do you have?
A couple.

5. What's your current relationship status?
Single

6. What are you wearing right now?
My new jeans and a blue tee.

7. What is your current problem?
I'm questioning myself a lot about everything *is annoyed*

8. What are you doing right now?
Filling out this questionaire to pass time

9 - what happened to it?
Don't know what this is about!

10. What do you love most?
Being at home.

11. What makes you most happy?
See above.

12. Are you musically inclined?
I suppose. I sing and play the piano, recorder and harmonica... Have yet to pick up a g-tar.

13. What would you do if you woke up one morning and found out you were a millionaire?
Squee

14. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?
I would have said no.

15. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what will you be?
A swan

16. Ever have a near death experience?
Nope

17. Name ONE obvious quality you have?
Being helpful.

18. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
"I kissed a Girl" - Kate Perry

19. Are you happy today?
Relatively.

20. Who will cut and paste this first?
Don't know... Probably Celine (if she hasn't done so already)

21. Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Ichigo Kurasaki!

22. Who was your first crush?
A guy from primary school.

23. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?
Nope

24. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Yes

25. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
Yes

26. First thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?
Eyes

27. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Eugh, I hate starbucks...

28. What is your biggest mistake?
Too many to mention

29. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Nope

30. Say something totally random about you:
I'm left-handed.

31. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
No.

32. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
All the time.

33. Did you have braces?
Nope, retainer was as close as I got

34. Are you comfortable with your height?
I'd like another inch or two, but it'll do.

35. What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
Was just there when I needed it.

36. When do you know it's love?
I don't know if you ever know.

37. Do you speak any other languages?
My own (Irish) and French

38. What is your favorite smell?
Dublin

39. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
No

40. What magazines do you read?
Kiss

41. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Ha! No.

42.Has anyone you were really close with passed away?
No. Thank God.

43. Do you ever watch MTV?
Nope, only have 2 channels.

44. What's something that really annoys you?
Ignorant people.

45. What's something you really like?
Reading.

46. Do you like Michael Jackson?
Meh.

47. Can you dance?
No!

48. What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
All night I suppose

49. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
No.

50. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the Emergency Room?
Nope.

Okay, so I apologise for anyone who reads this cause it's just me rambling basically!

chickabud @ 2008-06-08T17:47:00

2008-06-08T17:11:46Z

Meeme.... Stolen from star55......

RULE 1: You opened this; you GOTTA take it

RULE 2: You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING
unless someone messages you and asks

RULE 3: T/F Only answer with True or False!
Q: Like someone? F.
Q: Kissed someone on your top friends? F.
Q: Been arrested? F.
Q: Been searched? F.
Q: You love someone? T.
Q: Been suspended from school? F.
Q: Sat on a roof top? F.
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? F.
Q: Broken a bone? F.
Q: Have shaved your head? F.
Q: Played a prank on someone? T.
Q: Had/have a gym membership? T.
Q: Shot a gun? F.
Q: Donated Blood? F.
______________________________
LAST PERSON YOU

1 You hung out with?
Celine and Emmz
2 Last person that you texted?
Justine

3 You were in a car with?
Mam and Mari

4 Went to the movies with?
Celine and Emmz

5 Went to the mall with?
Mari

6 Person you talked on the phone with?
My mammy

8 You messaged on MySpace?
Um..... don't know...

9 You talked to?
My Godmother

10 You miss ?
Hazel, Celine, Emmz, Sharon, Louise, Justine, Annette, Ashling....

11 You hugged?
Emmz
__________________________
WOULD YOU RATHER

1 Eat or drink?
Eat.

2 Be serious or be funny?
Funny but depends on time and place...

3 Drink whole milk or skimmed milk?
Ewwww milk....

4 Die in a fire or die getting shot?
Die getting shot

5 Go to a club or go to the Beach?
Beach
_____________________________________
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

1 Sun or moon?
Moon. No doubt...

2 Winter or fall?
Winter

3 Left or right?
Left

4 Black and white or colored?
Black and white....

5 Where do you live?
Ireland

6 Do you wanna get married?
Nope....

8 Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Twirl...
______________________________
IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE YOU
1 Kissed someone?
Nope.

2 Been hugged by someone?
Nope....

3 Been poked by someone?
Nope...

Tar éis an timpiste.... (After the accident)

2008-03-16T22:01:59Z

This isn't fiction, which is unusual for me. But, I really had to just write about something and this is kind of a weird thing that has manifested itself from a few very unusual weeks, that I haven't been able to identify with or acknowledge I suppose, (and not in the sense that I can't believe it) because I already know that it has happened but I just don't feel like it has... which is a hell of a lot easier to explain in my head.... Anyway, sorry in advance for this pitiful drivel, I just have to post it to try and get it out of my system, because it's driving me mad.....
I'm sorry for anyone who bothers to read this, I'm not expecting comments..... Thankies.......And sorry......

Chickabud.......

I don’t know what I’m meant to write. I’m sitting in a dark room. Plain. Simple. Nothing more. And I have no idea whatsoever what to write. It’s not like this hasn’t happened before, because I’ve had previous episodes of writer’s block. And it’s such a stupid name. Block, it’s not fitting. It’s more of a void. Just something that isn’t there. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My father had a car crash about two weeks ago now. And it’s funny, but I felt nothing. At the time, I was calm. My mother panicked. She was attempting to be rational, but was clearly quite unstable. My younger sister, she was distraught. Crying aloud in the kitchen. And, my little brother, just trying so hard to keep it together. I was the last to hear. And walking into the kitchen was surreal. The only thing that alerted me that something was wrong was my sister sobbing. An unusual sound, especially on a Monday morning. But, still, I felt nothing. Hugging her, trying to find out what was wrong. Being told my dad had been in a car crash. Nothing. It’s not that it didn’t hit. It did. I knew what I was being told. And, no it’s not that I didn’t believe it. Something that serious has to be believed. The trip to the hospital… Nothing. Seeing him in the ward. A gurney, custard blanket, and a hideously coloured neck brace. The horrible smell of disinfectant… An entire day spent waiting. For what? Test results, updates. Looking after my younger siblings, assuring, calculating, wondering. It didn’t do much good. School closed on account of the snowfall. Everyone else benefiting from the day off. Our family, stuck in the hospital, a twitchy mother, upset sister and shocked brother. Not to mention a father who could barely remember the season.

It should have meant something. Shouldn’t it? I should have felt something surely? Why am I numbed? All through it, I didn’t worry, cry, scream or shudder. What is wrong with me? It never felt like it happened, and while it was happening it didn’t feel like it, and now that it’s over, it’s as though it never occurred. Now, all I can listen to is over-analysis of past accidents. And my father sits on the storey above me, working although he should be resting… Contrary to what he’s been told by the doctors. And two weeks later, what am I doing? Sitting in a dark room… Not knowing what to type.

Writer's Block: In this perfect world

2008-03-16T21:12:58Z

What is your idea of a perfect world? Why do you feel this way?

View 500 Answers

Merry Christmas...... Happy New Year!

2007-12-29T21:28:36Z

Hey Everyone.....

I know it's been sooo long since I've posted, and it's really because life is so hectic.... Anyway I really just wanted to wish everyone the best New Year's wishes (since I so obviously missed Christmas).... I hope everyone has a lovely time, and that you all enjoy yourselves as much as you can! All the best for 2008!

K.
xxxxxxx

THE PANEL NEW COMMUNITY!!!!

2007-10-27T23:22:25Z

Okay... This is a really short post to alert people to the opening of a new community... for The Panel - a hilarious comedy series in Ireland that basically makes jokes out of all news related, political, celebrity and just plain random news stories during the week....

Everything from obese ministers for health.... blowing swords... pirate radio... (yar...) and human women from the planet where the males have a panus and two testiclons... Oh and of course where hoovering the ceiling is common practice....

So come one, come all, fans of the panel... Old or new... to the new community

thepanelireland at Livejournal... here's the link... everyone is welcome to come have a gander at the general kurfuffle...

http://community.livejournal.com/thepanelireland/

Thankies much for the time...

A BIG THANK YOU!!!

2007-10-14T13:41:47Z

I REALLY REALLY WANT TO SAY A HUGE BIG THANK YOU TO CELINE.... AKA LEENEBEAR (I CAN NEVER SPELL YOUR DAMN NAME) FOR THE BEST SURPRISE EVER.... TAKING ME AND THE GANG TO SEE COLIN MURPHY.... I KNOW I PROMISED A HUGE RANT IN YOUR HONOUR BUT I HAVE NOT GOT THE ENERGY..... I'M SO SORRY!!!! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!! *HUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGS*
LOVE YOU!!!!

Chickabud!!

So not worth it

2007-10-14T13:33:12Z

Okay.... I hate life.... I really really do.... I'm so angry at this minute in time I can barely even put in the proper punctuation marks.

Does anyone know what it feels like to be stuck. I mean really and truly stuck? It's just at the moment I have no life whatsoever. My week is just get up - school - study - eat - study - sleep.... five days out of seven. I try to relax at weekends by talking to my friends online but then I get in trouble for being online in the first place. I mean it's just not fair.
I hate my parents so much at the moment. They keep telling me I need to study even though my sister is doing exams too but she does no study at all. I do four to five hours a night. I go to bed at nine o'clock in the evening because I don't have the time to stay up and watch even a full program of tv. I mean come on!!!

I just don't know what to do. I want to go home so badly.... not like to my house... but home to Dublin.... I belong there. My parents just make such a habit of not listening to me. My sister and brother are so much closer to them.... but recently I just don't care either way.... I mean like a half hour ago my mam and sister (younger) were talking and laughing in the living room at a crappy program.... and I was sitting in the kitchen stuffing my face (I was pissed cause I got banned from the computer for today and tomorrow.... only cause I went online for 3 hrs last night but it was Saturday...) and thinking to myself... they couldn't care less if I wasn't there in the morning. I mean all my parents do is push me to study anymore... It's all they talk about ... the Leaving Cert..... I hate those two words so much. They want me to do my best, (which really means they want me to get the top score in the country... like I could do that) and I know already the disappointment they will get when I don't achieve this. I had the same thing for the Junior Cert... I got 8 A's and 3 B's but still I knew that they were disappointed in me.... they expected 11 A's..... which I didnt' get....

I mean I want to scream at them but they won't listen. I think about making myself sick... but that wouldn't achieve anything... I'd cut myself, but why should I have to hurt more.... I'm hurt enough... I want to die... but I've promised so many people I care about that I wouldn't do anything...... I mean I'm really and truly stuck... I have no idea what to do.... If I fight back it's only going to make things more hard.... I'll just be banned more.... Why the hell can't I just be happy..... Is it too much to ask to just want to go back where I belong.... I hate it here... so much.... I can't relate to anyone.... I feel so damn isolated from everyone I care about... sure they're just an email away.... but wait I can't go on the internet because I've been banned from it.....

I'm going to burn out if I keep working like this... I just can't do it.... I really need to take a break.... I feel so loved by my friends... but I can't talk to them because I need to be online to talk to them.... and my family..... I just don't care about them anymore... I really really don't .....

I apologise to anyone who takes the time to read this.... I really really do because I just need to get this out or else I'll go back to the house I live in and just break down.... I don't have the strength for this....

Why is life so damn hard??

Sorry....
Chickabud